RECAP: Glee, Britney / Brittany

It’s Britney, bitch.

It’s no secret that I heart Britney. Going to her concert last year was a pre-teen fantasy come true and I didn’t even get a Britney Circus whip. When Glee paid tribute to Madonna last year, it didn’t even phase me. The only Madonna song I was aware of was her duet with Britney on “Me Against the Music” and I only knew of “Like a Virgin” through Moulin Rouge. It didn’t really matter to me if they did her justice or crapped on her career.

When it was confirmed they were doing an all Britney (plus one random Paramore song) episode, it made me nervous. They’re walking a thin line here, it better be great. Britney cannot be imitated. The covers needed to be something new and completely different.

The first time I listened to the Glee covers of the songs in this episode, I was seriously underwhelmed. I’m sorry Lea Michele, but you have an amazing voice but you cannot pull off Britney. I was decently impressed but Heather’s voice, but it was nothing special. She has no real power when she sings. Stick to dancing, girl is fierce. At first I hated “Toxic,” and I mean HATED it…I’ve grown to somewhat like it. Okay, it’s constantly on repeat. “Stronger” is probably my next favorite after “Toxic” but the rest…I really could do without.

Can I pose the obvious question of why Dianna wasn’t given a solo for this episode? She doesn’t have the strongest voice of the Glee-bunch, but she would have been the closest match to Britney. How sweet would it have been for Quinn to sing “Sometimes” to Puck?

The whole hallucinatory Britney-effect was hard to believe and yes, I know this is tv land. It seemed like an excuse to get John Stamos onscreen. He is an interim character, he is the Mike Chang of his love triangle.  I’m sorry, but it’s time for the “Asian fusion” to end. I am so happy that Artie is actually fighting for her. We all know that Will/Emma and Artie/Tina are endgame.

Can Finn and Rachel break up NOW, please? I cannot stand her character. She’s needy, incredibly insecure when it comes to Finn and is willing to change who she is for him and uses Quinn, my favorite female character, as a pawn in her quest for Finn’s affection. Quinn looked genuinely depressed during “My Only Exception.” Finn or Puck, I don’t care which, just give the girl some love.

There is one last subject of discussion: Jacob. Ben. Israel. The kid is comic relief, but tonight was complete overkill. I don’t want to know about his naked butt sweat stains. I don’t want to see him jizz in his pants. There was no need for “The Britney Sex Riot.”

Overall, the episode was not Glee’s best but it matches the caliber of “Audition” and last season’s back nine. I don’t know what to think of the promo for next week’s religion themed episode, but if they butcher Joan Osborne’s “One of Us,” shit is going to hit the fan.

SUE QUOTE OF THE NIGHT: [to Will] “I’m going to take your house, your car, your extensive collection of vests. I mean seriously, you wear more vests than the cast of ‘Blossom’.

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