Dear Doctor Friends, Please Stop

Whew. It’s been a hot second since I’ve had a good rant. Did you miss me? And this one has been brewing for a while.

I have a lot of friends in the medical field. Nurses, doctors-to-be, researchers, pharmacists…I’m often the odd one out at parties and large groups of friends. As you all know, I’m also tv fiend. Medical shows aren’t my go-to’s, but I enjoy watching them: Grey’s, The Resident, House, Private Practice, just to name a few. The medical field is also a popular profession for main characters in movies—and why not? They save lives. They’re rich. They’re typically unnaturally good-looking. AKA The Perfect Leads.

So, it will inevitably happen that I’ll be enjoying a beautiful declaration of love from Ashton Kutcher outside of a hospital (No Strings Attached), when the moment is ruined by my friend saying, “That’s such a parking violation. You can’t do that at a hospital. Last week at work….” STOP. You’ve ruined the moment for me.

On Grey’s this season, April had hypothermia and was without a heartbeat for 5+ hours and yet, still woke up fine and without brain damage. Just because I didn’t go to medical school, doesn’t mean that I can’t differentiate between what’s possible and what’s not. I didn’t need the 45-minute diatribe against Shonda Rhimes and the Grey’s writing staff.  What matters is that April DIDN’T die and I’m upset they missed this opportunity to axe her character.

I know that hospital personnel do not frequently bed each other in the on-call room. If a doctor comes to work drunk, they obviously aren’t given a banana bag and told to wait around until their blood work is clean. If a nurse walked in on a doctor screwing a patient, they wouldn’t jump in and make it a threesome. (Ok, SOME might. But let’s be real.) That’s an HR issue. That’s highly unethical. I’m not stupid.

In conclusion, to my “Smart Friends”: Let me have this. From what I can tell from your work stories, your average work day has the potential to be just as boring as mine. I want to watch a show that makes me suspend my disbelief just a little. I want weird medical cases. I want unnecessary drama. I want to watch desperate doctors cut l-vad wires to move their boyfriend up the transplant list.

I love you all—but please shut up. Let me spend an hour gazing at Matt Czuchry in peace.

TSwizz, look what you made me do

Dear Taylor Swift,

I have a bone to pick with you.

I am a longtime fan who was excited to finally buy tickets for your upcoming reputation. tour. But the hoops that I (and all your fans) are jumping through to get on the waiting list are kind of ridic.

First, I know a lot of artists these days are using Ticketmaster’s Verified Fan program to ensure that ticket scalpers don’t scam actual interested parties in getting tickets. That’s understandable. That’s perfectly fine. But never have I had to purchase merchandise, stream videos 10 times a day, and spam my social media accounts with promo to prove myself as a fan.

I’m in my first “legit” big girl job. I can’t be buying multiple copies of your new album (which I haven’t even heard in its entirety yet…) or buying overpriced and *cough* ugly snake-shaped rings to get boosts. And even if I COULD, I shouldn’t have to give you more money, on top of the $150 I’m expecting to pay for even the crappiest seats at the stadium.

Ok and sure, there are options without spending money aka streaming the videos and posting on social media. I’m not going to spam all my Facebook friends, Twitter followers, etc. with Taylor Swift promo. I’m not going to change my photo to your truly unflattering album cover. That means that I’m left to streaming your videos every day to get my points. And let’s not pretend all these video view records you’re shattering are organic. It’s because all your fans are streaming them repeatedly to get the chance to go to your concert.

I broke the 1,050 boost mark this week and JUST moved into the Priority section and even then I’m not guaranteed to get tickets. And we all have to do this until November 28? I’m already tired, but I’m already too far in and I have a roommate relying on me for tickets.

To be fair, your marketing team is A+. This is a brilliant way to get albums sold before it’s even released and break Vevo records all while claiming to be “for the fans.” But let’s not kid ourselves. Lastly, I obviously don’t know you personally, so I’m not going to make assumptions about your character, but this false advertising as a fan service? Well, “I don’t like your little games.”