This past week of television season finales was fully loaded with break ups, make ups, hook ups, surprising and not-so-surprising pregnancies…and guns. A multitude of guns. Out of the four season finales I watched this week (One Tree Hill, Gossip Girl, 90210 and Grey’s Anatomy), a stunning total of eight main characters were fatally shot. Of course in Grey’s Anatomy there was a sheer number of the dead or injured by the end, but honestly there were only five we truly cared about. And okay, 90210 did not literally have fire arms on the show, but I think Matt Lanter’s guns are licensed to kill.

I’m going to start with One Tree Hill. On the whole, I found this episode to be extremely lack-luster. Brooke and Julian are engaged, great for Brooke (look at that honker of a ring), but I will always remain a loyal Brucas believer. Haley’s pregnant (nice work, Nate). The amount of screen time devoted to characters I could give a rat’s ass about is truly testing my patience. I don’t care about stubbly Grubbs trying to get into the British lady’s pants again, which I can only imagine would happen if he elected to wear a paper bag over his head. I loved Chase when he had a purpose aka Brooke’s boyfriend in season four, but now he’s a waste of screen time. In short, the following characters need to be given the axe for the final season of One Tree Hill: Grubbs, Miranda the Brit, Chase (unless he gets a more interesting and important story line), Mia, Alex, Alexander, Josh, and most importantly, Quinn and Clay. In the final minutes of the finale, PsychoKatie makes a comeback and shoots both Quinn and Clay. I have to admit, I flipped a lot of serious shit at that moment. Totally did not see that coming. Okay writers, you have a golden opportunity here. By leaving the fate of these two characters hanging in the balance, it would be too easy to kill them both off and make season eight entirely focused on the main characters we actually like. And on the same note, enough with all of the deranged and psychotic characters. I think PsychoDerek, PsychoNannyCarrie, and PsychoKatie have filled the quotient of crazies allowed to roam free in Tree Hill. I may sound like a broken record, but seeing a OTH finale like this just reminds me of how awesome this show used to be. Remember the season two finale with the dealership fire? Now, THAT’S a finale.

On to Gossip Girl…Damn. You. Jenny. Humphrey. Jenny and I definitely to do not get along, she messes with all the relationships I love on the show. Chuck and Blair almost had a happy reunion, but nooooo… Jenny HAD to be “lonely” and do the nasty with the one person she shouldn’t, Eric HAD to find out why Jenny is drowning in tears and running eye liner/mascara, Dan HAD to get all macho and deliver a complimentary knuckle-sandwich to Chuck, and of course this all HAD to happen at the moment when Chuck was presumably going to propose to Blair. FML. Then poor, heartbroken Chuck gets shot for protecting Blair’s engagement ring just a few minutes later. Chuck Bass is the only character that needs to be alive come fall. I don’t think the writers would go there, but still, my smooth-talking man-whore better be healthy as a horse in the fall.

I’m going to gloss over 90210 and  skip Glee/Lost since those weren’t season finales. Teddy and Ivy as regulars next season? Gag me. Silver and Teddy / Dixon and Ivy reuniting? Gag me. Teddy and Ivy need to crawl back into the holes they came out of and let Silver and Dixon realize they belong together. Also, the members of the 90210 gang are supposed to be juniors? Right and Lea Michele is supposed to be playing a character born in 1994.

Okay, Grey’s Anatomy. Holy hell. I have been on the brink of writing this show off my weekly schedule of television watching ever since the introduction of ugly ginger Owen, the merger with Mercy West and the break up of Mark and Lexie. But Thursday’s finale was insane. Meredith and Derek have never been a favorite couple of mine, but watching Meredith’s silent scream when Derek was shot (by the way, nice work Sarah Drew, you got McDreamy shot) and her plea to the gunman to kill her instead was unbelievably heart wrenching. Not to be insensitive, but I could care less whether anyone shot during Grey‘s finale lives or dies. McDreamy is obviously safe, no McDreamy = no program. Alex is getting in the way of my Mark and Lexie and I’ve hated Owen from the beginning. The deaths of Reed and Charles had no impact on me, other than a sudden jump when the gun fired (I hate loud noises). I just wish Gary Clark had taken down Arizona and April while he was at it. God, I sound like such a horrible person. Don’t get me wrong, I thought the finale was amazingly written, amazingly acted, and amazing in general. I was definitely shaken up by the end.

Hopefully the next batch of season finales will be tad bit lighter. I’m guessing Lost isn’t going to give that to me (SERIES FINALE SUNDAY! *sob*) but I’m assuming the regional show choir competition in Glee will not include a GSW, but who knows…I’m not one to question Puck’s bad-ass guns.

screencap from IMDB.