Jon + Kate Plus My Hate

In happier times I would tune in Monday nights to TLC and watch the eight most adorable children ever wreak havoc on their parents. Mady’s having a temper tantrum; Aaden and Joel are hitting each other with blocks; Cara’s trying to help a screaming Collin with his shoelaces;Hannah and Leah are jumping on their beds; while Alexis is yelling about her alligator…pardon me, “alldergator”. What are their loving parents doing at this point? They’re not trying to restore calm in Gosselin household, they’re yelling at each other. And those were the happier times.

I am embarrassed to say that I have seen every episode of Jon + Kate Plus Eight. I was tearing up the entire time Jon and Kate talked about their impending divorce and was reduced to a fit of uncontrollable crying while they played a reel of Jon and Kate during their younger years (pre + 8). For the time the show aired, I truly enjoyed it. I can now count myself among the vast number of people who contributed to the crumbling of this once normal family. That is sickening to know. While I still hope my daughter will be as cute as Alexis Gosselin, there is a large part of me that wishes TLC never gave Gosselins the time of day. The family once hailed as “America’s Favorite Family” has quickly become known as dysfunctional and has the two most selfish and unfit people to be parents ever.

I used to believe that Jon never cheated on Kate. True, she is a mega bitch and is a massive control freak, but I always believed in the pit of my stomach that these two loved each other. After their divorce announcement, I waited with bated breath for the day I would log on to Entertainment Weekly’s website and see the banner headline: “GOSSELINS REUNITE”. I know now that this will happen when hell freezes over and Lady Gaga chooses to wear a normal outfit. It just isn’t going to happen.

After the show ended, Jon and Kate quickly realized that their source of income was going to tank. I can only imagine how much it must cost to provide for a family of 10. So how are they going to get moolah back in their pockets? Publicity, of course! But see, there’s this new thing out now that every one is doing…it’s called getting a job. And no, “exploiter of my kids for the sake of money” does not count as an occupation, Kate. Quickly after Jon sued TLC to “protect his kids” he must have figured out that the money was going to stop flowing. So he revoked the claim. Well, Mr. Gosselin, you’ve gotten your wish. Kate returns to TLC with two new shows this summer, “Twist of Kate” and “Kate Plus Eight”. In “Twist of Kate”, Kate will be visiting with families who have complicated home lives and attempting to “take a walk in their shoes”. Is she supposed to be the role model here? Because I don’t think she exactly fits the criteria. “Kate Plus Eight” will be more or less the same as Jon + Kate Plus Eight just minus Jon.

On Wednesday, Jon filed for sole custody of the eight children. E! Online even posted the legal documents he filed. Is this even legal? Okay, I admit it, I read the documents too, but still…”invasion of privacy” helloooo? Kate’s stint on Dancing With the Stars needs to end as well. Her “Paparazzi” paso doble was hideous and not funny at all. Jimmy Fallon did a better job. I just don’t understand how she is still in the competition considering she sucks on many levels. She can’t dance to save her life and she’s a horrible mother. Not to say that Jon is a good father either, he sucks too. Poor kids.

Forget Team Jon and Team Kate, I’m on Team Nannies – since those seem to be the only ones who actually care about the Gosselin brood at this point. Please Jon and Kate, get off our television screens, get off our magazines, get off our celebrity gossip websites and take care of your family.