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RECAP: Glee, Never Been Kissed

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I really should be writing a paper that’s due in t-minus 12 hours, but I don’t care. Glee, you my friend, are on a roll. Three decent episodes in a row? What kind of game are you playing? I seriously haven’t yelled at the television that much since last year’s season premire of Lost. It was even enough for my roommate to shout from her room, “And tonight’s Glee commentary is brought to you by Kate!”

First, I’m loving this whole equal-screentime-for-the-entire-cast thing that’s been going on recently. Every character had at least one line and had their moment to shine during the mash-up numbers. The only thing that would have made this episode better is a reaction from Puck about Sam & Quinn. I kept waiting for an epic bro-throwdown and was sadly letdown. Puck needs to lose the gages, but he made an X-Men reference tonight, so he’s back in my good books. Although, he was more of an ass-hole than usual tonight and is back to his playa ways. But thank God the nipple ring is finally gone.

So, the episode’s title, “Never Been Kissed” applied to the two characters of Kurt and Beiste. Technically Kurt’s been kissed “but not one that mattered” and Beiste is the female version of the 40-year-old virgin. These two moments were when I yelled a constant stream of four lettered words. Looking back, it is clear as day that Karofsky is so far in the closet he’s approaching Narnia.  But still, I was thrown for a complete loop when he planted a wet one on Kurt and then went back for seconds. Mind, meet brain explosion. That doesn’t even compare to the Beiste / Will kiss, however. I swear my television burst into flames. We didn’t need to see that…really. Yes, she’s a 40-year-old who is still a member of the Virgin Lip Club, that sucks. But in the end all she got was a pity kiss from a guy who was probably thinking about the not-so-anymore-mysophobic guidance counselor.

Onto Kurt and Blaine. While I find Kurt already having a framed picture of Blaine in his locker is mildly creepy and I laughed hysterically during their slow-mo run down the hallway, I loved the whole “Teenage Dream” sequence. I’m late to the “Teenage Dream” party, I don’t understand how I had never heard that song before. But anyways, I’m a fan of it now. I had previewed the scene when it leaked last week week and I’ve been fangirling for the past few days. I’m thinking that since Ryan Murphy dropped that he wants Kurt and his boyfriend to be Prom King and King that Karofsky will end up opening the closet door soon and become Kurt’s first BF. Don’t know how I feel about this yet, there’s a part of me still on the Kurt/Sam train…TBD. Oh and this Darren Criss fellow? I approve.

Another plus of the episode, hardly any Finchel disgustingness and lots of Sam/Quinn & Mike/Tina. Sue also made her comedic moment for the night with her confetti cannons and her one-on-one chat with Quinn. What I like about watching Glee is that I don’t have an OTP yet, unless there is a bunch of Finchel, I am usually not disappointed on the relationship front.

There is a paper on Modern Militant Islamic Ideology calling my name, so I should probably peace out. But this week’s worth of television is turning out to be just as quality as last week’s and that makes for one happy television fanatic.

RECAP: Glee, The Rocky Horror Glee Show

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And an ab-ulous night it was.

I have three confessions to make: One, I have no idea what the Rocky Horror Show is about. Two, I never liked/watched Full House, I had no idea who “Uncle Jesse” was. Three, I loved the Rocky Horror Glee Show…and I don’t know why. Before the RHPS fanatics come at me with pitchforks and torches, let me reiterate: I don’t know what the RHPS is supposed to look or sound like. I only have vague memories of my hometown theatre putting on the production, but this was circa 2001.

Was the plot advanced in any way? No. Character development? Nah. Did the episode really serve a purpose? Not really. Bottom line: I was entertained and it had the right amount of snark. Feel free to disagree, I am full of unpopular opinions.

Overlooking John Stamos’ horrible lip-syncing, “What Happened to Saturday Night?” was pretty damn near perfect. I have to disagree with the vast majority of the reviewers on iTunes, I personally liked his “John Travolta-esque voice.” Oh and Will, please stop moping. Your pity party ended last year.

I know that the fact that a girl was going to be playing Frank-n-furter was one of the main gripes RHPS fans had a problem with. I thought Mercedes sounded fine in the song. Obviously she’s going to sound different than Tim Curry so there’s really no sense in comparing the two. Also, there’s no use in blaming the writers/producers for this, John Stamos was originally supposed to play Frank and the network shot him down. Got a problem? Drop FOX a line. Do you really think that Ryan Murphy would have planned all along for a female Frank?

I think my favorite song had to be “Touch-a, Touch-a, Touch-a Touch Me.” Jayma Mays sounded like a chipmunk that inhaled helium, but it strangely worked. Watching the scene was uncomfortable at times; Will was obviously about to spontaneously combust at any moment. I also thought the “Time Warp” was very good. Cory Monteith has his moments when he actually sounds like he can sing and this was one of those times. I YouTubed the movie scene and I personally prefer Dianna Agron’s version to the scratchy throat-sing/talk of the movie Magenta. But I’m also a fan of Dianna’s so I might be a little biased.

It was also nice to see the guys having body image problems for once and not the girls. Best line of the night:

Sam: Stop knocking yourself out, just be you and the sexy will flow through.

Finn: Yeah you’re right, I don’t need to hide behind my muscles like you do.

Sam: Awesome, I think. Are you insulting me? Where are you going?

Finn: To show everyone how hot and sexy I am.

I think we all knew that Cory doesn’t have the best bod out of all the Glee guys. Don’t believe me? Get out your season one dvds and watch closely during “My Life Would Suck Without You.” Well, the camera does add ten pounds right? Anywho, it looks like he did tone up for this episode. I guess he can stop showering with a shirt on now.

So happy to see the return of Sue’s Corner. This needs to become a weekly thing again. Puck, oh where art thou? Glad to see you’ll be returning to McKinley in two weeks. I can deal with a return of the Mohawk, but the gages have got to go. And I fully expect you to get in a fight with Sam over Quinn. Don’t let me down. All in all, I enjoyed the RHPS tribute, even if it was an extremely watered-down version of the original.

I am going to leave you with the rest of the great quotes in the episode and there were many. Nice work, writers.

Santana: Earlier today Artie asked  if he could make a gigantic omelet when I’m done with the giant ostrich eggs I’m smuggling in my bra.

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Sam: There ain’t no carpool lane to sexy.

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Sam: (about his Rocky costume) Is there a way I could wear some gold board shorts or something? These are really short I’m afraid I’m going to show off some nuttage.

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Sue: Take your sick, perverted sex games out of this school.

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Sam: I got asked to be “June” in the “Men of McKinley High” calendar.

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Becky: Get me some chocolate, or I will cut you.

Regarding the Glee GQ Controversy…

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Since everyone and their dog seems to have spoken their mind regarding the recent controversial GQ photo shoot that featured three members of the cast of Glee, I thought it was time to throw my opinion into the mix.

First things first, argue what you want, but Glee is not a family show. It may have the 7 p.m. timeslot, but it is still not appropriate for young children. The first season included everything from premature ejaculation, talk about gag reflexes, “sexting”, a teen pregnancy storyline and three of the main characters are known for their promiscuous natures (Puck, Santana and Brittany).

Since Glee has many similar qualities as the High School Musical series, it’s presumable that there was significant carry over from HSM to Glee.  Musical numbers aside, the two franchises are nothing like each other. With HSM, it was clear that Kenny Ortega et al were very conscious of their younger audience. It took nearly two films for Troy and Gabriella to kiss, there was no swearing and even the stereotypical mean-blonde, Sharpay, nowhere close to evil. Yes, there are going to be drastic differences between something shown on the Disney Channel and on FOX, but Glee is obviously geared toward at least 13+ teens.

If I was a parent of a younger child who watches Glee, I can see how these pictures might be an issue. The pictures were shot in a high school setting and Lea Michele and Dianna Agron were wearing what could be characterized as “school-girl” outfits. Cory Monteith was also pictured playing the drums, a trait of his character, Finn. I understand how the photos could be misconstrued as them representing their characters. The provocative poses and choice of dress/props were certainly out of character for their respective roles. Personally, I didn’t go there. They don’t look like high schools students to begin with. The Parents Television Council needs to take a chill pill. The actors are ages 28 and 24, well beyond the age to qualify as victims of child porn. GQ’s primary audience is also males ages 18-49; I’m betting there was no complaints about the scantily clad actresses.

Dianna has since issued an explanation on her Tumblr. She wrote,

“Now, in perpetuating the type of images that evoke these kind of emotions, I am sorry. If you are hurt or these photos make you uncomfortable, it was never our intention. And if your 8-year-old has a copy of our GQ cover in hand, again I am sorry. But I would have to ask, how on earth did it get there?”

My thoughts exactly.

Participating in the photo shoot was probably not the smartest move by any of the three actors, but what’s done is done. The whole thing has been blown so out of proportion. Lea, Cory and Dianna are adults. They perfectly in their right to show some skin during a photo shoot. Taylor Momsen flashed the crowd at her latest concert. Miley is grinding and dry humping in her music videos. Stars acting raunchy is not something new. People, it’s time to move on.

RECAP: Glee, Duets

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Welcome back, Glee. You have come back to the greatness we all knew you were capable of. The return of the witty one-liners, quality songs that did the originals justice and the classic humor we have come to know and love totally made up for the absence of Sue Sylvester and the lackluster previous three episodes.

Quinn/Sam/Kurt

I am loving Sam Evans. Chord Overstreet handles comedy very well, he has a nice voice, I actually don’t mind his bleached-blonde Bieber hairdo, and hellooooo six pack.

But most surprising of all, I really don’t care whether he is paired with Quinn or with Kurt. Shocking? I know. His scenes with Quinn were adorable and yeah, Puck is going to kick his ass. But there was something just so sweet about the two of them (even though they look like they could be siblings…new storyline?), “Lucky” was pure cotton candy and the boy is a smooth talker. Except for the whole speaking Na’vi thing, it might be a little early to show that much of your inner geek.

Sam’s scenes with Kurt weren’t even overly awkward. The shower scene might have been a tad too much, but the dude was definitely flirting back…add that to the lingering glances during their performances and it makes me think that Quinn and Sam might not be going on many more dates…Sam said he went to an all-boys school, maybe they’ll pull a One Tree Hill and we find out that he left because word got out he played for the other team?

Finn/Rachel

You know it’s a good episode of Glee when Rachel doesn’t make me want to reach through the television screen and slap her. Their rendition of “With You I’m Born Again” was rememberable to say the least and “Don’t Go Breaking My Heart” was pumped full of the typical cheesewiz and cutsie moments. Pardon me while I gag.

Santana/Brittany/Artie/Tina/Mike

The rest of the club ended up in a huge love pentagon. Some Santana/Brittany action finally made it to the screen, which was a complete déjà vu of, season one Nip / Tuck. Santana tells Brittany she’s only with her because Puck is in juvie, to make her jealous Brittany deflowers Artie to help him get over Tina, who is still in the Asian Fusion with Mike. Confused yet?

And then there’s Mercedes, who apparently gets no love. But her “River Deep, Mountain High” duet with Santana was catchy and watching the club’s reaction to their booty bounce was certainly amusing.

Of course as soon as things take a turn for the better, the show goes away for two weeks. I’ve never seen The Rocky Horror Show, but from what I’ve heard this is the kind of thing that makes the execs at the FOX Network freak. Shall be interesting.

RECAP: Glee, Grilled Cheesus

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Who knew that Brittany would ever be the voice of wisdom?

I’m going to keep this short and sweet so I don’t end up just bashing Glee for 800 words. Last night’s episode “Grilled Cheesus” was just not my cup of tea. None of the six songs featured made it to my iPod, there was only one quote that made it to my quote book, one of my favorite songs was butchered and the religious overlying theme was a tad overpowering for my taste. I don’t understand how people were crying and claiming this was the best episode of Glee yet.  I didn’t cry. I hardly paid attention…although that may have been partly to the two lovebirds making small talk a few feet away from me. I am of the opinion that Glee needs to stick with the happy-go-lucky. They just do it so much better.

I’ll leave you with a few of my main [unpopular] thoughts:

  1. Am I the only one at all disturbed that Finn ate what had to be an at least three days old cold grilled cheese?
  2. Music overall grade? D. “One of Us” by Joan Osborne is one of my most favorite songs ever. Okay, maybe saying it was “butchered” is a bit of an overstatement, but it was nowhere near as great as the original. “Bridge Over Troubled Water” is also a favorite of mine…not anymore. The autotune on “Losing My Religion” and “Only the Good Die Young” was out of control. This is why critics and viewers alike claim that the cast can’t actually sing.
  3. Religion is not particularly a touchy subject for me, but it is definitely not on the top of my list of subjects I like to talk about. Just don’t bash my beliefs and I won’t bash yours. Kurt can’t have been the only person in that glee club who doesn’t believe in God. To that end, so what if he doesn’t believe in God? I found it really surprising how personal everyone took it. The only character so far who has been portrayed as being exceptionally religious is Quinn and she had what…two lines? I felt like the whole notion of God was being forced down my throat the whole episode. Not appreciated.
  4. Has anyone noticed how no one on television seems to have two parents anymore? Rachel is the only character so far who has two parents. Finn’s dad died. Kurt’s mom died. Puck has a deadbeat dad. Quinn’s dad left her mom. And we haven’t even met most of the glee kids’ families yet. The go-to device for emotional television seems to be sending a parent to the hospital. We all know that Burt is going to be okay, he’s a regular now. The producers wouldn’t promote him to regular status for the one episode he dies in. If the only reason for Burt’s heart attack was to get Chris Colfer crying in an episode, it wasn’t worth it.

So this ended up being roughly 500 words. My bad. I have been so disappointed with Glee this season. But I can’t seem to stop watching.

SUE QUOTE OF THE NIGHT: [to Will] “If your kids want to praise Jesus in class I suggest they enroll at Sweet Holy Mother of God Academy on I Love Jesus Street.”

RECAP: Glee, Britney / Brittany

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It’s Britney, bitch.

It’s no secret that I heart Britney. Going to her concert last year was a pre-teen fantasy come true and I didn’t even get a Britney Circus whip. When Glee paid tribute to Madonna last year, it didn’t even phase me. The only Madonna song I was aware of was her duet with Britney on “Me Against the Music” and I only knew of “Like a Virgin” through Moulin Rouge. It didn’t really matter to me if they did her justice or crapped on her career.

When it was confirmed they were doing an all Britney (plus one random Paramore song) episode, it made me nervous. They’re walking a thin line here, it better be great. Britney cannot be imitated. The covers needed to be something new and completely different.

The first time I listened to the Glee covers of the songs in this episode, I was seriously underwhelmed. I’m sorry Lea Michele, but you have an amazing voice but you cannot pull off Britney. I was decently impressed but Heather’s voice, but it was nothing special. She has no real power when she sings. Stick to dancing, girl is fierce. At first I hated “Toxic,” and I mean HATED it…I’ve grown to somewhat like it. Okay, it’s constantly on repeat. “Stronger” is probably my next favorite after “Toxic” but the rest…I really could do without.

Can I pose the obvious question of why Dianna wasn’t given a solo for this episode? She doesn’t have the strongest voice of the Glee-bunch, but she would have been the closest match to Britney. How sweet would it have been for Quinn to sing “Sometimes” to Puck?

The whole hallucinatory Britney-effect was hard to believe and yes, I know this is tv land. It seemed like an excuse to get John Stamos onscreen. He is an interim character, he is the Mike Chang of his love triangle.  I’m sorry, but it’s time for the “Asian fusion” to end. I am so happy that Artie is actually fighting for her. We all know that Will/Emma and Artie/Tina are endgame.

Can Finn and Rachel break up NOW, please? I cannot stand her character. She’s needy, incredibly insecure when it comes to Finn and is willing to change who she is for him and uses Quinn, my favorite female character, as a pawn in her quest for Finn’s affection. Quinn looked genuinely depressed during “My Only Exception.” Finn or Puck, I don’t care which, just give the girl some love.

There is one last subject of discussion: Jacob. Ben. Israel. The kid is comic relief, but tonight was complete overkill. I don’t want to know about his naked butt sweat stains. I don’t want to see him jizz in his pants. There was no need for “The Britney Sex Riot.”

Overall, the episode was not Glee’s best but it matches the caliber of “Audition” and last season’s back nine. I don’t know what to think of the promo for next week’s religion themed episode, but if they butcher Joan Osborne’s “One of Us,” shit is going to hit the fan.

SUE QUOTE OF THE NIGHT: [to Will] “I’m going to take your house, your car, your extensive collection of vests. I mean seriously, you wear more vests than the cast of ‘Blossom’.