2011-2012 Television Season: Favorite New Shows

HONORABLE MENTION: American Horror Story

The opening credits should get an award for being the creepiest credits ever (I mean, look at this). Add in a rubber body suit, depressed homicidal teens, Piggy Man and a half-dismembered limb-half-animal-parts baby, and apparently you’ve got yourself a winner.
SYNOPSIS IN A SENTENCE: An already dysfunctional family moves into a haunted house where some über creepy shit went down.
BEST EPISODE: Halloween.
NOTABLE QUOTE: “I questioned my sanity when I first found out. But this house, this house will make you a believer.” —Constance

5. Revenge
Soap-y fun in a beautiful locale where queen bitches and scheming Hamptonites are everywhere. What’s not to like? The Graysons might rival for the Scotts for The Family In Most Need of Group Therapy award.
SYNOPSIS IN A SENTENCE: A girl heads out on a mission to seek revenge on those responsible for the wrongful imprisonment of her father.
BEST EPISODE: Chaos.
NOTABLE QUOTE: “I will never forget. I will never forgive.” —Emily

4. Once Upon a Time
You can tell a show comes from the creators of LOST when the story circles around the main character, Emma, and her relationship with her biological son who was adopted by the mayor who is actually his biological grandmother while she’s unknowingly living with her mother and is the would-be savior of the fantastical world. 
SYNOPSIS IN A SENTENCE:
The Evil Queen puts a curse on all fairytale characters condemning them to slum it out in the “real world.”
BEST EPISODE: Hat Trick.
NOTABLE QUOTE: “You know what the issue is with this world, everyone wants a magical solution for their problems and everyone refuses to believe in magic.” —Jefferson/Mad Hatter

3. Hart of Dixie
This show is adorable. Plain and simple. It’s a CW show so everyone is beautiful and watching beautiful people deal with unnecessary drama is the best way to spend an evening. And if you doubt Rachel Bilson’s ability to pull off a very Cristina Yang-like doctor, here’s my (and her) response.
SYNOPSIS IN A SENTENCE: Big shot big city doctor Summer Roberts…erm Zoe Hart moves to Alabama after being bequeathed a family practice by a mysterious man who turns out to be her father.
BEST EPISODE: In Havoc and In Heat (just ditch the jorts, Wade)
NOTABLE QUOTE: “Well, my night had quickly gone downhill, but in times like this, I’ve found that one thing really helps me through — Wine.” —Zoe

2. New Girl
I feel like I should preface this by saying I can’t stand Zooey Deschanel and I fully expected to hate this. And even though New Girl hasn’t helped me dislike her less (I’d still watch without its eponymous “new girl”), I will gladly tolerate Ms. Deschanel for 30 minutes to watch this show.
SYNOPSIS IN A SENTENCE: Shenanigans ensue when eccentric Jess moves in with three equally quirky bachelors after catching her ugly hippie boyfriend cheating.
BEST EPISODE: The Landlord.
NOTABLE QUOTE:
Schmidt: Who let the dirty slut out of the slut house?
Jess [in a British accent]: Probably the slut butler, right?

1. Homeland
If you haven’t had the extreme pleasure of viewing this gem from Showtime, do yourself a favor and find a way. Like I said in my initial review, I hate politics and political shows with a passion, but this show had me hooked. You will get chills at least twice an episode. The freakiest factor? It all seems perfectly plausible. This show better walk away with an Emmy and two for Claire Danes and Damian Lewis.
SYNOPSIS IN A SENTENCE: POW returns to the US of A after being held captive for eight years and a bipolar CIA agent thinks he’s working for Al-Qaeda.
BEST EPISODE: Marine One, although The Weekend is a very close second.
NOTABLE QUOTE:  “Somewhere down there, there’s a tiny sliver of green just taking its time. This is how everything works. You wait. You lay low. And then you come to life.” —Carrie

Battle of the Boys: Who is the Right Guy for Quinn Fabray?

Glee’s second season was mostly a hot mess. But there was one line in particular that bothered me. In last season’s finale, a distraught Quinn tearfully said to pals, Brittany and Santana, “I just want someone to love me.” Um, I’m pretty sure Quinn has had the most “serious” relationships out of all the gleeks and has had not one, not two, but three guys admit that they love her in the past two years. And they were all popular football players. She’s clearly a jersey-chaser that Quinn.

My two cents? I personally don’t think she could go wrong with either of the three. I will forever be a Fuinn fan first, although I have accepted the fact that they will never be endgame. But with RIB calling the shots, we never know what the hell is going to happen. However, there is something just so oddly sweet about Quick and since I cannot have my Fuinn, I am fully supportive of a Quick reunion [which seems highly likely this year]. On the other hand, I also loved how sickingly sweet Fabrevans was.

Well, let’s pretend that Chord never got the boot and Sam was for sure returning to McKinley High. Which of these lovely gentlemen is the one for Miss Fabray? 

Finn Hudson

Pros:

  • Fireworks. ‘Nuff said.
  • Finn’s the only one of three who has explicitly said that he loved her.
  • He didn’t care about her past as “Lucy Caboosy” (though, granted, we really didn’t get to see the reactions from the other two)
  • He defends her against other glee club members, mostly Rachel and Puck.

Cons:

  • Quinn cheated on him.
  • Finn’s clearly in love with Rachel, too.
  • Whether it was the pregnancy hormones or not, Quinn was kind of a bitch to him.

Puck

Pros:

  • They have a baby, remember? No? It’s okay, no one does these days anyways.
  • “We’re baking!”
  • Rewatch “Beth” in “Theatricality.”

Cons:

  • Their baby was conceived out of a one-night-stand. And Quinn told Finn that she made a mistake with Puck and he should’ve been her first.
  • They [seemingly] have barely talked for a year

Sam Evans

Pros:

  • He gave one of the cutest speeches ever when he presented her with the promise ring. It may have been a tad premature, seeing as they had only been dating for a few weeks, but sweet nonetheless.
  • Sam was probably the best boyfriend to Quinn out of the three.
  • Quinn supported him and his family after they lost their home.

Cons:

  • Quinn cheated on him.

Big, Blonde, Beautiful…and Bitchy

In every television show, there is always that certain character you hate. For me, there are usually a handful. I am never simply indifferent about a character, I’m either a fan or their nemesis. And looking back on some of my least favorite characters, I’ve noticed a pattern with the females. They are almost always the female lead, blonde and curly haired and are known for being a HBIC. I can’t really explain my hatred, because I happen to love other fair-haired characters like Quinn Fabray & Caroline Forbes, who could also be considered a HBIC. But there is something about these 5 that have the power to make me want to shut off the tv. How do I loathe thee? Let me count the ways…

Peyton Sawyer / Hilarie Burton, ONE TREE HILL

I have never loathed a character as much as P. Sawyer. I found her whiny woe-as-me demeanor to be exceedingly boring and annoying. My personal war against Peyton started in season 1 when she started hooking up with Lucas behind her BFF’s back. And yes, I am extremely anti-Leyton, but even after I accepted Brucas was dunzo I always thought Lucas deserved more than Peyton.

Jen Lindley / Michelle Williams, DAWSON’S CREEK

I never seem to be a fan of the character who chooses to be a rebel simply because they want to be known as a rebel. And that’s Jen. In addition, she attempted to break up my OTP in season 2, snatched Dawson’s virginity and caused drama for the sake of causing drama. Jen only got back into my good books in the series finale…and then she died.

Naomi Clark / AnnaLynne McCord, 90210

Naomi is Beverly Hills’ token spoiled bitch and I have never been a fan of hers. And while she got a bit more bearable this past season (I actually liked her with Max), all of that was ruined when she revealed she was preggers in the last seconds of the finale. And okay, that wasn’t necessarily her character’s fault but it definitely won’t help me like her more.

Marissa Cooper / Mischa Barton, THE O.C.

Because Marissa & Ryan were a power couple of the show, I also disliked Ryan by association. It wasn’t until Marissa kicked the bucket (and made me ecstatic) that I realized I actually liked Ryan. And his new girlfriend, Taylor, as annoying as she might have been was 10 times better than Marissa. Like the others, drama followed her around like a stormy rain-cloud and she bucked the system just to say she did. Her death was one of my O.C. moments.

Britta Perry / Gillian Jacobs, COMMUNITY

Britta is the newest addition to my list of hated characters. When she starts another one of her political debates I groan in sync with the rest of the study group. It doesn’t help that she constantly has a sour puss expression on her face and I can’t stand Jeff with Britta, but I would loathe her whether or not I was pro-Jeff & Annie.

RECAP: Glee, Prom Queen

I can’t decide whether I hated last night’s Glee or if I loved it. There are a few points I would like to discuss. And as always, I am full of unpopular opinions.

First, props to the wardrobe department. THIS is what prom dresses are supposed to look like. I found all of the dresses on 90210’s prom quite ugly. And who actually wears socks with heels at prom? Each of the dresses fit the girls’ personality perfectly. Props.

So, about the whole Prom King-Prom Queen debacle. Thanks to the Glee extra, I’ve known for a few weeks now who that Karofsky and Kurt would be crowned PK/PQ. But I just have a question for you: is it actually plausible to play out that Figgins would have actually announced the Kurt had won to the entire prom? Doesn’t that just encourage the bullying? Sure, it gave Kurt the excuse to give his “epic” acceptance speech, but I don’t think that would have happened outside of the Glee-verse.

My precious Fuinn is bound to break up within the next episode or two, but I am pretty content with what I got last night. Finn’s “You’re the most beautiful girl I’ve ever seen” made me squee like a pre-teen fangirl and even though Finn spent the rest of the night ogling over Rachel and Jesse, I was so happy to see Quinn happy at the end of the episode. And Rachel is a damn hypocrite. When she claimed that she has been nothing but supportive of Finn’s relationship with Quinn, I wanted to prematurely Quinn-slap the bitch. Honey, the previous episode you spent the entire time trying to convince Finn that she was cheating on him and attempting to drive them apart. That is your definition of supportive? Is there a special Rachel-based dictionary out there?!

I thought all of the songs were of average quality. Lea Michele and Jonathan Groff are both amazing singers and the fact that even they couldn’t pull off Adele just proves she’s an artist that should not be covered. Artie’s “Isn’t She Lovely?” serenade to Brittany was sweet, sure. But like Mercedes pointed out, it’s about a father singing to his newborn daughter. Am I the only one who finds that mildly creepy? I actually found “Friday” to be somewhat bearable. As much as I hate Rebecca Black, I have to admit, that song is damn catchy. “Jar of Hearts” is one of my most favorite songs. And it’s not saying that Lea didn’t do a passable job, because she did. I just felt none of the heartbreak that emanates from Christina Perri’s version and Lea’s voice is just too sweet for a gritty song like that. Blaine’s song could have been omitted and “Dancing Queen” was probably my favorite of the night.

Max Adler / Dave Karofsky has got to be one of the most underestimated actor/character ever. I loved his scene with Kurt. The poor boy cried for God’s sakes. I hope he comes out of the closet soon so Kurt can dump Blaine’s ass. And I much preferred Teddy & Marco’s dance on 90210 over Blaine & Kurt’s. Sue Sylvester catches Artie attempting to spike her famous punch (even though it turns out it was just lemonade in the flask) and resorts to torture a la Marathon Man. She becomes more of caricature with each passing episode. Oh, and I am totally supportive of Sam/Mercedes. It’s time that girl got some love…but Sam, you need a haircut.

Overall, for a prom episode, I’d give it 3 out of 5 stars.

RECAP: Glee, A Night of Neglect

And the television return week of mediocrity continues. Tonight’s Glee was the epitome of a filler episode. The plot was not moved forward in any way. It wasn’t particularly funny. And I’m guessing this episode could have been completely scrapped if need be. It was basically an excuse to have Gwyneth back and for her to cover Adele, but I will get to that later. The episode pretty much set up future episodes which I assume will include: Kurt’s return to McKinley, Santana & Karofsky coming-out parties and Wemma /Finchel reunions. Oh joy.

Tina, Mike, Artie & Brittany are McKinley High’s academic decathlon team and by some miracle they have advanced to the next round. But since the school won’t pay for the competition, they have been selling taffy. Will comes up with a better idea of the glee club doing a fundraiser / showcase featuring artists who are often forgotten about, thus the name, “A Night of Neglect.” Lauren helps Mercedes see that as ND’s resident diva she needs to start acting like one. Mercedes creates a colorful rider including a bowl of green M&Ms and a puppy for her to dry her hands on. Creepy? Meanwhile, Sunshine returns to McKinley offering to help support their benefit. This all ends up being a ruse, however, and leaves them high and dry on performance night, leaving ND to pick up the pieces and get the night back on track. Oh and we learn that Blaine needs anger management therapy. Seriously, the dude get riled up extremely easily.

Behind the scenes, Sue recruits Terri, Sandy and Dustin Goolsby to be a part of what she calls the Legion of Doom under the code names of General Zod, Honey Badger, Pink Dagger and Sergeant Handsome. Their mission? What else, bring down the glee club.

The Good

  • Fuinn: They were practically nonexistent, minus the shoulder-rest shot during the last five minutes. But at least RIB didn’t rip them a new one to promote Finchel, so this Fuinn fan is satisfied.
  • Bubble Toes: Harry Shum Jr. is a fantastic dancer and his very Fred Astaire-esque performance tonight was just as expected.
  • Buh-bye Holly: Last episode for Gwyneth. Halle-freaking-lujah. I enjoyed The Substitute, but Sexy and this episode were overkill.
The Meh
  • The Legion of Doom & The Heckling Squad: The Legion of Doom wasn’t intimidating and Sue’s new club seemed like an excuse to get Jacob & Becky some screentime. I am glad Terri’s back, though. I missed that psycho-bitch. And Dustin Goolsby made for an interesting addition. He did make for most of the comedy tonight. I would, however, be in favor of a Legion of Doom spin-off. I think it could be freaking hilarious.
  • Sunshine: Her presence had no point. If her scenes had been cut it wouldn’t have made a difference. Her cover was only satisfactory and the girl definitely has some pipes.
The Bad
  • Tina’s “solo”: Can Tina please be allowed to finish an entire song without breaking down in tears, please?! Jenna Ushkowitz has an amazing voice and she’s already underused. And she did a kick-ass job at covering Lykke Li.
  • D-I-V-A: Personally, I thought Mercedes’ actions tonight were completely out-of-character. Sure, she’s the resident “diva”, but she’s never treated her fellow glee club members with that much disrespect. But at least RIB are moving away from storylines dominated by food…
  • Turning Tables: Adele is a singer that Glee just shouldn’t touch. She has such a unique voice (much like Florence + the Machine) that a successful cover has to be pretty much the bomb dot com. And this wasn’t. I would also hardly call her a neglected artist. Her album “21” is #1 on iTunes…
Next week’s episode, Born This Way, will be a 90-minute special (obviously in honor of my 21st birthday, holla!) and will feature, you guessed it, Lady Gaga’s “Born This Way.” This episode will supposedly be big for Klaine, Santana & Karofsky. Maybe a coming-out party or two will also be celebrated next week?
Quotables from the episode…
Dustin: I’m handsome, I’m good-looking and I’m easy on the eyes. Also, I’m gorgeous.
Dustin: This hairline is 85 percent my own and my sperm count is off the charts.
Puck: [to Will about the decathlon team] Do you say that because two of them are Asian and Artie wears glasses?

In defense of Fuinn…

The Glee fandom is officially the most petty group of viewers I have ever been a part of. Just read the comment section after Entertainment Weekly or E!Online posts spoilers or recaps, it’s completely nuts. And the main source of this division, like most fandoms, is shipper wars. Now, I would love to take the next 300 words or so to bitch about how much I despise all things Finchel and how I enjoy Glee significantly less when they are together. I would so love to do that, but I’m not. If you are a true fan of a show, you will not stop watching just because your OTP is no more and you should be able to show support for your favorites without bringing down fellow ships. And just for the record, I am not delusional enough to believe that Fuinn will be endgame. With what the show has told us, it’s going to be Finchel and (most likely) Quick. Does that make me particularly happy? Not necessarily. Will I throw a fit when Finchel inevitably reunites? Most likely. But for the time being, I am taking the high road and I am simply going to say why I continue to support the highly-hated relationship of Finn Hudson & Quinn Fabray.

1. The First Cut Is the Deepest (yes, I went there)

I think it’s important to keep in mind that while Finn may have been Rachel’s first love, Rachel was not his. Take a look at the F13 of season one. There is a reason why Finn was so supportive of Quinn when he thought she was carrying his baby. There is a reason why he brought her the baby blanket. There is a reason why he was so hurt when Babygate went down. I don’t deny that Finn also loved Rachel, but he loved Quinn first. And there is no reason why his love for Quinn is/was not just as pure and true as his love for Rachel.

2. They could be great if given the proper chance

This season’s superbowl episode, The Sue Sylvester Shakedown, proved that Fuinn has the potential to be a power couple not just at McKinley but the fandom in general. And while they have ability to bring the worst out in each other, they also inspire the other to be brave. Man, I’ve gone soft, that was so cliche- but so true. The pessimist in me is saying that after their current little stint is over, they will probably never be revisited. And that’s a complete shame because there is so much potential here…we just need the right writers to pull it off.

3. They never really got over each other…

…and they probably never will. If Fuinn gets anything positive out their renewed relationship in the end, it needs to be closure. And it needs to be told in a way where the relationship ends on their own terms and not because of a third party (Rachel, Jesse, Puck, Sam, etc). They have been a part of each other’s lives for too long to not be able to at least be good friends.

So ends my Fuinn sermon. Now I can go back to hating Finchel in peace…silently, of course.