REVIEW: The Human Centipede

While browsing through Entertainment Weekly’s website today, I came across an article by Clark Collins titled “‘Human Centipede’: Is this the most disgusting horror film of all-time?” Obviously as a horror movie buff, I was intrigued. I should have read the article thoroughly, but I didn’t. Huge ass mistake. I just began downloading the movie. I felt pretty confident that this movie wouldn’t phase me. This is a girl who laughed during the Saw movies and didn’t even blink during Hostel. Half-an-hour in my mind was completely changed…this movie makes Haute Tension and The Descent look like Disney movies.

I have officially seen the most horrifyingly disturbing movie. Ever.

I went back to Collins’ article and actually read it. If I would have simply skimmed the piece I wouldn’t have watched this monstrosity of a film. The trailer alone would have haunted my nightmares for weeks on end. This horrible movie is about a demented surgeon, Dr. Heiter, who has the insane fantasy of creating a human centipede by attaching people from mouth to anus to form a solitary digestive tract and then slicing a tendon at their knees to make them permanently bent. For all those non-medically minded people, this means that middle and end people are forced to swallow the other peoples’ crap. If your cookies are not all ready tossed, this is where you lose it.

Dieter Laser aka the psychopathic surgeon is without a doubt the scariest man in the history of the world. If that guy so much as looked at me I would probably have an immediate heart attack and keel over. If I ever see this man grace my screen again I will flip so much shit. His sick sadistic pleasure in his creation is absolutely awful. Seriously, who thinks of this stuff?! You have a sick mind, Tom Six. And I thought the creative team behind the Saw franchise was severely unhinged…

I have never been so repulsed by a movie before in my life. I think it’s safe to say I will be steering clear of horror movies for a while.

photo credit: Entertainment Weekly

REVIEW: Paranormal Activity

Being the huge horror movie buff that I am, I joined the masses in viewing Paranormal Activity last Friday. If you have a weak stomach, this movie is definitely not for you. You’d think I would have done my research and known that Paranormal Activity uses  a hand-held camera a la The Blair Witch Project  before I paid my $9.25 and sat in the middle of a full row of a packed theater. Long story short, not only did those around me get to hear my girlish gasps of horror and the occasional outburst of “okay, idiot…are you seriously going to open that door?”, they also got the privilege to witness me tossing my cookies not once, not twice, but three times into popcorn buckets (thank you roomies).

Do not continue to read if you don’t want to be spoiled. The basic premise of the movie is follows: a young couple, Micah and Katie, decide to move in together. But little does Micah know that Katie has been haunted by a demonic spirit since childhood. You’d think that’d be a detail about your life you’d want to divulge before playing house with your man. Micah decides it would be cool to catch all of the paranormal activity happening in their home by setting up a video camera to record it all. But all this does is tick off the evil presence after Katie. Again, to make a long story short: The demonic thingy-ma-jig gets so peeved with Micah that it possesses Katie. And she kills him. Muahahahaha.

Despite the hand-held camera technique, overall I felt this film was decent. The film used some unique spook techniques, even though I reacted in a normal way for me: seeing my dinner in reverse. It may seem like it moves slow at first, but all of the events culminate really well in an ending that definitely shocks you. If you are spooked easily, I would highly recommend not waiting until it comes out on dvd and watching it alone in your room. The final image of demon/creep/Katie smiling devilishly at the camera over Micah’s body is one you won’t be able to shake for a while.

~ Kate

(photo courtesy of