Whew. It’s been a hot second since I’ve had a good rant. Did you miss me? And this one has been brewing for a while.

I have a lot of friends in the medical field. Nurses, doctors-to-be, researchers, pharmacists…I’m often the odd one out at parties and large groups of friends. As you all know, I’m also tv fiend. Medical shows aren’t my go-to’s, but I enjoy watching them: Grey’s, The Resident, House, Private Practice, just to name a few. The medical field is also a popular profession for main characters in movies—and why not? They save lives. They’re rich. They’re typically unnaturally good-looking. AKA The Perfect Leads.

So, it will inevitably happen that I’ll be enjoying a beautiful declaration of love from Ashton Kutcher outside of a hospital (No Strings Attached), when the moment is ruined by my friend saying, “That’s such a parking violation. You can’t do that at a hospital. Last week at work….” STOP. You’ve ruined the moment for me.

On Grey’s this season, April had hypothermia and was without a heartbeat for 5+ hours and yet, still woke up fine and without brain damage. Just because I didn’t go to medical school, doesn’t mean that I can’t differentiate between what’s possible and what’s not. I didn’t need the 45-minute diatribe against Shonda Rhimes and the Grey’s writing staff.  What matters is that April DIDN’T die and I’m upset they missed this opportunity to axe her character.

I know that hospital personnel do not frequently bed each other in the on-call room. If a doctor comes to work drunk, they obviously aren’t given a banana bag and told to wait around until their blood work is clean. If a nurse walked in on a doctor screwing a patient, they wouldn’t jump in and make it a threesome. (Ok, SOME might. But let’s be real.) That’s an HR issue. That’s highly unethical. I’m not stupid.

In conclusion, to my “Smart Friends”: Let me have this. From what I can tell from your work stories, your average work day has the potential to be just as boring as mine. I want to watch a show that makes me suspend my disbelief just a little. I want weird medical cases. I want unnecessary drama. I want to watch desperate doctors cut l-vad wires to move their boyfriend up the transplant list.

I love you all—but please shut up. Let me spend an hour gazing at Matt Czuchry in peace.